Lacey Nicholas: Keeping the spark alive

Image via Darwin Bell's Flickr photostreamSex with a new person can pretty much tick every box. It can be wild, exciting, disconnected, passionate, awkward, clumsy. If you are in or entering into a relationship with that person then chances are you will experience regular genital interaction. Whether it’s the lust or need to practice some other force at work, couples generally tend to go at each other like Jack hammers. They crave each other, and get it on at every opportunity. However, once you proceed further into a relationship, sex can sometimes start to trail off. You grow comfortable with a person and you no longer seem to have your breakfast, lunch and dinner orgasm. With my last partner this was certainly the case. After nearly a year of dating I moved in with them, and the sex life decrease was something that shocked me. I think that going from three meet ups per week that saw us jump each other’s bones to seeing each other day in day out lost some of the glamour and mystery. However, it was something that we were acutely aware of, and so we started to make a real effort to get back into each other’s undies with the regularity of a boy going through puberty. We fell into the habit of falling through the door and crashing into the sofa, and we didn’t leave enough time for each other. My other half worked at a hospital, meaning that they had shift work and so our working hours seemed to clash. They had never been a problem before the move in, but it somehow seemed to dictate our lives.

We decided to go on dates every week. A night at home with a bottle of wine was all very well, but you get distracted, you make less of an effort and things just didn’t change. However, that feeling of being on a date with someone and curling up with them on a pub sofa, just laughing and talking and being in your own world – there’s nothing like it to create a spark. We would often end up kissing like randy teenagers, before traipsing off home to test out the bed springs. However, weekly date nights can be hard to co ordinate and we were not the best at keeping them. Instead, we tried to alternate with enforced ‘no technology’ nights, as nothing kills a wide on quicker than someone who won’t stop checking Twitter. And to be honest, that worked. We would often both get a little grumpy at being told to go phoneless, but we soon got used to it, and we would snuggle together as we watched a film. And we all know where snuggling leads…

Image via VancityAllie's Flickr photostreamAnother sex killer can be the lack of preparation for sex. By that I mean the primping and preening that some like to do prior to sex – whether that’s shaving, washing, donning a gimp mask or performing a strip tease. It can be hard to still bother with the same old routine when you’ve been banging the same person for several years, and buying sexy new underwear becomes an expense rather than a delight. However, I do urge you to get back into that routine. Nothing can get the blood flowing faster than the unexpected appearance of a sexy nurse or naughty school girl. I guarantee that if you make the effort you will be reaping what you’ve sewn in the multiple orgasm field.

I think that the hardest part of a long term relationships has been that lack of spark and magic. You fall in love, but the butterflies stop. You compliments might dry up as well. And cute flirting gives way to idle bickering. And so my final parting words of advice are: KEEP THE COMPLIMENTS FLOWING! Compliments, rather like oral sex, are wonderful to give and receive. And just like oral sex, you should never expect anything in return, but it is a wonderful experience when it happens. Keep letting your partner know how sexy you find them. How adorable their laugh is. How brilliant they are at cooking. Make them aware that they are still that amazing person you nervously met up with for lusty dates, and the magic will remain.

This post was written by RWL columnist Lacey Nicholas – “I’ve always been a fat girl, and I’ve always loved sex. Some people assume that these two pastimes can in no way go hand in hand. I am sharing my experiences with you in the hope that my tales of pleasure DESPITE my size may inspire and empower others.” Images via Darwin Bell and VancityAllie‘s Flickr photostreams.

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