Here we are again and it is March already! It is bound to be a very sexy stormy March with Mars in retrograde, the planet ruling S-E-X, blowing the lid off our fantasies and cravings. Don’t get burned by the heat baby! I plan on remaining celibate for the near future, though I admittedly am feeling the rush of Spring; flesh appearing again on the streets, buds bursting, fashion becoming more flamoyant… Who knows what might happen! So the positives for making love in this time would be freaky and feisty fun, bringing in Summer with burning kisses and indulging in desires never dared but it’s good to take caution, Mars is like an Aries: energetic, passionate, angry. If you’re gunna f*** one of your exes, make sure it’s the right one; Mars rules War too and let’s make love instead, my friends.
There are many many manyyy ways to make love, play, etc and today I’m going to be talking about one that will keep you coming in a classy and connected way – perhaps a good approach if you do run into an ex – mutual masturbation. A party-for-one-for-two! I’ve been talking to a few friends about the subject and I’m definitely not alone in my appreciation of and desire for this dynamic in my sex life with a partner but even your non-expert sex expert has felt a bit shy about discussing this in the past. Shameless is as shameless does darlings and I’ve been really grateful to have not only friends who share but also friends to share with. I hope you have friends like this too!
I have been learning a lot about sex over the last few year, in fact, it was my seven year anniversary in London the other day, and my move to the kinky and quirky UK has been the marker for my sexual liberation. I have been learning a lot about sex by learning about my own sexual identity and challenging myself in my sophistication in sex, energy and intimacy. As I’ve discussed in the past, my first period of celibacy was all about learning how I like to by touched, treated and tipped over the edge, and this has brought me a greater respect for masturbation and the practice of solo sex; the sharing of this with another individual feels like one of the greatest gifts I could give a lover.
I’ve read different articles in the past about the ‘advantages’ of sharing this with a love but I’ve never really connected to the main arguments they present because ‘show him how to get you off’, ‘giving him a show’ and ‘getting the job done’ are not motivations of value or that I am fueled by and frankly, like a lot of the sex discussion we’re presented with, I feel this very much diminishes the act. Of course there are elements of education, entertainment and evolution but the real beauty and hotness of this act comes from the depth of offering, acceptance and adoration and, again, I find myself annoyed by the constant focus on orgasm and coming. It strips away the sweetness, softness and sensuality that ultimately lead to better orgasms anyway, I digress…
If I was to give another individual the ultimate privilege and pleasure of watching me make love to myself, it’s not just going to be about my clit or my cunt’s come, it will be about every way I choose to enjoy myself. I would be honoured to be offered that too. A golden chance to watch – occasionally lick, pinch or stroke – an incredible ritual happening right before my eyes. The journey they would go through, the places they’d stop to drink and rest, the ways they battle and huff through rolling terrain, the many faces of all the people that travel with them; a f***ing living masterpiece in ecstasy. Yes. Please. Thank you.
Make a date, seduce each other, lock the door, turn off your devices, be sober, get naked and get into bed. Bringing your solo sexuality and sensuality together, adding the brain spinning deliciousness of taking in your lovers face, body and being, rocking with electric touch while also feeling touch of your own; very fun, hot and dynamic indeed. Take turns first! I would encourage you to show off, yes, but not in a performance way, I would encourage you to touch your whole body, really own yourself in whatever way YOU want. Yes, your playmate will get to take notes on your likes and lusts but it will be about all of your skin, your dance, your breath. Get naked, be naked and stay naked. Let them see all of you, every inch, each slip of the finger, all angles. Teach them how to worship you, how you worship yourself, guide them to where another hand would be marvelous, look them in the eye, look at them looking at you, take it all in. Then create a mind blowing symphony of rubbing, gazing and shuddering as you touch yourself in harmony, fusing your passions and blowing your grateful hearts wide open. Thank each other, thank yourselves and thank the goddess for the tenderness of sharing touch, holding space and the position of being a witness to embodied bliss.
It is not always easy to share this much of yourself but I think too many of us can hide or get lost in partner sex and I would encourage you to be brave. Hopefully you have a loving, kind and supportive partner who would be open to hearing any worries or anxieties because sharing these with someone I know my heart is safe with always makes me feel brighter and stronger. Since I began playing like this I’ve felt challenged, for sure, and sometimes a little scared but I’ve found liberation and strength through this experience and it has felt just as profound as any other sex I have shared. As someone who has been focused on cultivating my own personal strength within the sex I have and love I make, it has been transformational for me and pivotal in my connection with my own self esteem and identity to become master of my own sex; yes, even when you’re being mastered.
Own your sex this March darlings! Write an essay on all the ways you love to touch yourself and dictate it for your dearest. Be open to the idea that you are the most sensual, sexual and sweet thing on the planet and act accordingly. Let’s make March ‘Marvellous Mutual Masturbation Month’ and share some snippets of your escapades, experiences and epiphanies below!
Love and Light
This post was written by RWL columnist Rubyyy Jones – Rubyyy Jones is a performer, writer and producer, living and working in London. As a writer, Rubyyy’s ethos is of love, lust and light and she has been published internationally online and in print regarding sex, erotica, feminism and LGBTQ activism. You can find her on Twitter and Facebook. Images via lipsticklori, dhammza and arimoore‘s Flickr photostreams.