Hope this post finds you flourishing in an already fabulous 2014! I’ve had a wonderful January, a lot of discoveries and deeper understanding, and I’m looking forward to bringing you many challenges topics and sweet tips over the year to make it an even more joyful, transformational and orgasmic one for you too. This week’s column is all about pleasure, intimacy and sensuality on your period.
Since I last wrote about the power of the crimson wave, I have had much more experience with sex and my cycle and it continues to be quite positive and lovely. I know not everyone has the same experience. What has been reaffirmed is that it is pleasurable but also powerful for me, originally I was a little intimidated by my body but a past tender companion helped me to feel brave enough to explore sex on my period. Look how cute and new I was:
“Gabriel and I shared a number of lovely periods together and I have to admit I was very nervous ‘the first time’ but I just said so, so he knew and I knew he was going to honour my new experience. I was feeling a bit crampy, a bit sore but we took it slow and went about business as usual. It was lovely to notice my cramping subsiding, enjoying the loving attention and my pussy was appreciating the tender sweetness of massage and penetration.
Sooo it wasn’t a ‘big deal’ but it was really deliciously intimate at times and we both felt quite… grown up. The first time he actually pulled my tampon – yes, I wear those as well as loving my Mooncup, if they’re organic! – but yeah, the first time he very carefully tugged my tampon out felt like a very special, trusting moment that brought us a closer, made our connection that much deeper. A nice surprise and a surprisingly nice experience, how could I know that that gesture would have been so bonding? I didn’t and maybe it won’t be for you but it’s a moment I will cherish, a first time that really meant something to me…”
Nowadays I’m approaching period pleasures solo and it has been another interesting micro challenge. I have had no issue masturbating with my clitoris during my flood but I hadn’t really broached solo penetration on my period before, or at least not in a very long time. As I mentioned in my post a few weeks ago, the Lovehoney Wand with the G-spot attachment review, I haven’t always been the bravest when it’s come to exploring the depths of my cunt on my own and, frankly, laziness totally became a factor in the red rush area; partner period sex felt fun because it was messy, raw and included a yummy shower-for-two session at the end, but part of me was thinking “Oh man, all this mess and no one to scrub it off sweetly? What’s the point?”. Then I clocked myself. I couldn’t believe I was letting that become an excuse for something I was just so obviously scared to do. So, I did it. It was what I remembered and more, and I was also reminded, a sweet shower-for-one is still a sweet shower with you.
Sooo… Maybe you wanna have a little ‘sex’ and you’re on your period and you’re not sure how best to go about things, here are my tips for penetrative sexy time, updated for 2014.
How To: Penetrative Period Sex For First Time
Get An HIV/AIDS Test
That’s right folks, I don’t care who you are, who you f***, where you f***, get tested as soon as possible. There are rapid testing clinics, you can go to your GP, sexual health walk in centres; do a quick Google search and go and get it done. Knowledge is power. Know your status. Lecture over!
Discover And Communicate Your Boundaries
If you’re feeling unsure: Sit down and write a stream of consciousness about how you feel, what you’re thinking about period sex for five minutes; just keep writing, don’t stop until your timer sounds. Read what you have written and explore your feelings a bit more. Decide what you think you want to experience full steam ahead ‘Yes’, what you might ‘Maybe’ want to explore and what feels like a big rolling ‘No’. Tell your partner about how you’re feeling, what you’d like to experience very specifically and share what you’re worried or nervous about. This can help you feel less anxious because you know your partner knows your boundaries and feelings one hundred percent and they, hopefully, feel empowered by knowing where you are in the experience and honoured that you are trusting and sharing with them. If you’re sure: let your partner know what feels good and proceed to the next step
How And What To Prepare
Have a nice shower together or on your own, perhaps even partake in a small douche if you’re feeling heavy or anxious about blood/tissue but I’d avoid this really, let it out naturally. Put down a towel or two so you don’t have to worry or be concerned about your linens/mattress/etc but this can get messy and flicks go flying, so it won’t be a perfect fix but should cover most pretty messes. Condoms on the sex toys for sure, as a precaution but also sometimes I find silicone to not be the best match with menstrual fluid, latex/non latex condoms/skin are a better fit for me, but perhaps that’s just my juice, but keep that in mind should things get a bit rough. Lube too, just in case you want a different slip that the blood provides.
So you’ve had a little wash, the fluffy towels are down and it’s time to dance! Proceed, business as usual, as much as you can and listen to your body. Start slow with your sexiness and notice what your body and pussy is saying… Is your vagina loving this? Are you tighter than normal? Is your fluid enough or do you want some more lovely lube to make things a slippery fest? Definitely lube if you douche! I would start out ‘as usual’ but also encourage you to play with different intensities than you’re used to, the menstrual cycle is a fricking biological masterpiece ladies and gentleman and I would encourage awed thrusting, deep sighing strokes and shuddering slippery softness
Pleasure Post Mortem
Talk to each other, preferably while still naked, clinging to each other, blood drying on your thighs and tummy. If you are solo, grab a notebook, write things down, kiss your hands and stroke your skin. Maybe you loved it or you may realize it’s not right for you, right now.
Consider other and all options for sensual attention during your period, it makes me feel one hundred percent better in aches, pains and mood when I am intimate with myself, in all ways, on my period. But that’s just me! Orgasms come in many shapes and sizes! A perfumed oil massage on your breasts, tummy and back could give you the touch you crave and also delicious release. Worshipping your little clit for a bit, no pressure to come, just freedom to feel great. A nice long naked cuddle after a long, hot bath and your favourite TV vampires. Whatever the method, do try and find ways to physically and emotionally connect during this time, keep your period light with connection, attention and loving intention
Tips, tricks and questions in the comments below please!
This post was written by RWL columnist Rubyyy Jones – Rubyyy Jones is a performer, writer and producer, living and working in London. As a writer, Rubyyy’s ethos is of love, lust and light and she has been published internationally online and in print regarding sex, erotica, feminism and LGBTQ activism. You can find her on Twitter and Facebook. Image via rvw‘s Flickr photostream.