Lacey Nicholas: Built for comfort, not speed

Having sex when you’re fat is not an urban myth. There’s nothing shocking or disturbing about it. But when you are the fat person having or trying to have the sex it can sometimes feel like it is a taboo manoeuvre. Let’s be honest, fat bodies getting fucked are not ever going to be the same as slim ones. There’s more jiggle. More wobble. Less picking up and throwing around and more to be on or under. There’s maybe more sweat, more flesh, maybe even more noises as stomachs bump together, pelvises thrust against meaty bottoms and heaving bosoms threaten to suffocate. During my time as a sexually active citizen I have been a variety of weights and sizes, as have the men who’ve dared to part the rolls and penetrate me. I wouldn’t say that I have ever felt hindered by my size, but I’ve certainly been aware of how it changes and impacts on the sex.

A similarly large friend once told me that doggy style made her feel like she was a waterbed getting a good rogering. Every thrust set off a series of ripples and wibbles around her body – her thighs, her bum, her tummy, and for a long time it really put her off the position. I have to say I agree. Getting on all fours for someone had to be the most undignified of positions. Your stomach hangs down, your holes are displayed in all of their glory and OH NO, NOT THE THIGHS! And every slap of flesh against my own sounded like the sarcastic applause of those who proclaim that fat women do not deserve sex. I would often just turn around and finish the job off with my mouth, saving myself the shame that came with what was going on in my head.

It was only after a wild drunken night with a one night stand that I began to love that position. My playful partner was so skilful at removing my clothes that I barely had time to feel shame at my stretch marks and cellulite. Before I knew it he was behind me, kissing my neck in the way that makes me wriggle and giggle. And then suddenly I was bent over the bed and he was upon me, grabbing fistfuls of my fleshy bottom and moaning with pleasure. He seems to love exploring my legs with his hands as he pressed into me, and all I could think was ‘Wow, this guy LOVES my body!’ I could feel it – his lips, his hands and his penis sang out to me, they adored me, and I realised that being fat didn’t stop me being desirable. To some extent it made the experience even more of a pleasure, and I let myself go, falling into that void where you can find stars, even when it’s no longer the night time.

I have to admit, being fat does not lend itself to agility in the bedroom. I see nubile nymphos in pornos skipping around dicks with such ease and lightness it’s like they are rehearsing a well loved dance. They seem to get into fifty positions a minute as the groaning pumping man practically picks them up and spins them around his dick. Sex for me is a little more cumbersome, verging on clumsy. Pushing me onto a bed or pulling me down for a kiss is a noisy heavy affair. Switching positions can mean I need to catch my breath and awkwardly dismount or roll over. It’s rarely a frenzied 90mph race through the karma sutra, and that’s OK with me. I can take my time. There’s a little more of me to explore and caress. And that is what I try to focus on. I focus on the immediate touching and feeling, and I allow my mind to wander away from the idea that I might be squashing my partner. I revel in the delight of my lover when I order them to spank me, suck my nipple, kiss my ear. And by doing that the pleasure and excitement transports my mind away from the awkward noises or thoughts.Sex is about realising your potential. Just because your body is bigger, it doesn’t mean that sex has to be anything but amazing. Size will not hinder you, only your mind can.

This post was written by RWL columnist Lacey Nicholas – “I’ve always been a fat girl, and I’ve always loved sex. Some people assume that these two pastimes can in no way go hand in hand. I am sharing my experiences with you in the hope that my tales of pleasure DESPITE my size may inspire and empower others.” Image via Andy Castro‘s Flickr photostream.