Oh. Hello there. You know, this introduction snuck up on me a bit. You eat a little ice cream, play a little music, take a nap or two, and suddenly it’s the night before your deadline and you have to figure out how to make your debut as… a sex blogger.
Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that talking about sex makes me uncomfortable. It doesn’t. I love talking about sex, just like I love thinking about sex and reading about sex, and most of all having sex. It’s great! Superlative even. But there is something intimidating about facing an unknown audience and saying, “let me introduce myself and tell you who I am as a sexual being.” Because really, I’m not one thing. I’m a cis-gendered, primarily heterosexual, Jewish-by-culture-but-not-by-religion woman who loves all things sexual. I’m a woman who in college taught a class on gender, sexuality, reproductive health, and sexual practices to other college students, at one point showing her cervix to anyone who cared to take a look. I’m submissive by nature, but only discovered recently how completely (and almost frighteningly) deep that impulse is within me. I’m the girl who grew boobs at age nine and hid them for ages and pushed her nipples in when they tried to assert themselves and wore baggy shirts and to try to hide herself away and only now, in her late twenties, has found the confidence to dress in ways that make her feel beautiful. I’m a person whose defence mechanism when uncomfortable is to talk about sex because then it feels like she’s on more even ground (trying to break that habit, by the way). I’ve been described by former lovers as “expressive with [my] sounds, sensual with [my] movements, very giving and game, always engaged and vocal” and “giving, excitable, unending.” Another has been known to say, “She loves the cock.” Do any of these things define me more than any of the others? It’s hard to say.
I can say the following, though, with certainty: I’m a hedonist. I live for pleasure of all kinds, and I never want it to end. I love touching, and being touched. I love toys and role playing and many forms of BDSM and games and I want to try it all. I think consent is sexy. And I want to share my sexy, hedonistic, sensual musings with all of you. I can imagine writing about any of a number of different topics: sex toy reviews, my own personal journey of BDSM discovery (which has only just begun), tutorials on how to engage in various sexual practices as safely and sanely as possible (from positions to fisting to ways to use household objects – whatever you like!), or even to have this as an advice column (every month or on occasion), answering all your questions about sex with honesty, empathy, and a dash of wit if I can. I’d love it if you’d comment or write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know where you’d like me to begin. I’m an open book, my dears, and am – in what I write at least – at your disposal.
In any case, it’s lovely to meet you. Thanks for coming by. And till next time, I remain –
Consensually and hedonistically yours,
This post was written by RWL columnist Allice Darke – This column is all about the readers, and as such, Allice encourages openness and honesty and promises that responses will be judgement-free. The only exceptions to this is that the following types of posts and comments will not be tolerated: shaming of anyone, be it for body type, gender, sexual preference, or anything else. Comments of that nature will either receive a warning or be deleted immediately, at Allice’s discretion. Also not tolerated: comments soliciting or offering sexual encounters with Allice or with other commenters. Asking Allice is a safe space, and preserving that safety is priority number one. Beyond that, say what you like. Use bawdy language or be demure. Ask questions. Be you. That’s what we want here.
Image via Kris Olin‘s Flickr photostream.
I’d like to read about your bdsm journey. Did you start with role playing and move on from there?
Hi Sal! Thanks for the comment. This is one of the things I am most interested in talking about as well, as it’s on my mind a lot anyway and it’s so good to get thoughts worked out through writing and sharing. I didn’t get started with role-playing so much as fantasies about power-play situations, even before I really identified them as such. The real beginning was… Well, kind of abrupt. I think it might be better saved for an upcoming post, as it’s quite the story. I hope you’ll stop in and read and share your thoughts.
You taught a class on gender, sexuality, reproductive health and sexual practices? Fantastic! I’d love to read a column on each of those topics 🙂
Oh goodness! I did, but I have far more than a column’s worth of things to say on each of them. 🙂 I’d be happy to do a mini-series on each, though, with some thoughts and anecdotes and resource guides for further reading, perhaps? I so miss talking about them.
As a guy recently starting poly and kink, I’d like to hear about your positive experiences with men who have supported you on your journey.