Kink 101: Curious about your kinky side?

Do you have a kinky side? Many people think they’re not kinky but, when they look more closely at a few things that seem perfectly commonplace in the bedroom, sometimes it becomes obvious that there is another aspect of their relationship which could be explored further. And these explorations can really add spice to your sex life, plus a whole new depth to your relationship. If you enjoy being tied to the bed or restraining your partner for sex, isn’t that a bit kinky? If you like having your bottom spanked a little, or your lip bitten while kissing… it might not seem like it, but these are all fantastic ways to start experiencing the wonderful sensations that the world of BDSM has to offer.

One reason a lot of people think that BDSM is not for them, is because they only hear bad things about it in the media. Reports on rich and powerful men paying professional dominatrices behind their wife’s back and sessions that go horribly wrong are the only times that the national press will report on the scene. Because of this, it often has negative connotations in many people’s minds. What the press fail to realise, however, is that consenting adults should really be allowed to do whatever the hell they please in a private setting without it being anyone else’s business. OK, so lying to your partner of 50 years or accidentally killing someone are pretty bad indeed, but the press report on the acts the people were performing at the time and claim that’s what’s fucked up. No, they were just doing it wrong.

When performed properly, BDSM activities are always safe, sane, and consensual. You’ll read this matra a lot on fetish websites. Firstly, it’s important to stay safe by educating yourself about any activity and the associated risks before trying it out, and also by using safe-words and always using condoms if sex is involved. It’s always sane because the people involved must have a high level of trust and also exercise good judgement regarding any play, so drunk risk-takers need not apply. And consensual goes without saying. Even when role-playing, anyone involved should always have the option to stop the scene any time they feel uncomfortable.

So… what if you liked your light spanking and want to try more? Well, talking about it with your partner is the obvious first step. Discuss current likes and dislikes whilst also mentioning things you might like to try out in the future. Remember, just because you say no to one thing, doesn’t mean you have to rule out any others. Many so-called kinky folk don’t have nearly as many fetishes as you’d think! After you’ve come up with a list of things that turn you on and stuff you might like to try, educate yourself on those subjects and see if it still sounds like something you’d like to do. There are all sorts of books and websites available on every possible kink – check out Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide to Kink – but a really great place to start if you don’t quite know what you’re into yet is Mistress Absolute’s Beginner’s Guide to BDSM. It’s a fab DVD with useful no-nonsense advice on safety, sensory deprivation, spanking, bondage and role-play.

The best thing to do is start small and build up to those huge fantasies at a later date. If restraint is your thing, invest in some leather cuffs or perhaps learn some simple Japanese rope bondage. If you’re into a bit of pain, try spanking with your hand first and then build up to using implements, or perhaps try clamps or clothes pegs on the skin. Don’t forget that each thing you try will come with its own list of dos and don’ts, so be prepared. Whether you like the idea of restricting your breathing by having sex while wearing a corset, or just the thought of telling your partner they’ve been very naughty indeed, adding BDSM play to your bedroom activities can open up a whole world of pleasure. By communicating with your partner more about the things you want, what you are doing and how you are doing it, you will enhance your relationship and make it stronger. What could possibly be bad about that?

This article first appeared on BitchBuzz in 2010. Image via pigeonpie‘s Flickr photostream.