Flicking the bean: Women and solo sex

It’s strange that there are still things the majority of us do, but that vast swathes of people also somehow manage to disapprove of. I’m not talking about disapproving of something supposedly ‘abnormal’ – although ideally no one would do that either – or something completely natural but undertaken at wholly inappropriate moments. No, this is something completely different. Apparently, there is still disapproval of things people admit to doing when completely alone and that have absolutely no effect on anyone else. For example: masturbation.

As a 17-year-old virgin studying at an all-girls school, I remember getting a lot of my information regarding sex from women’s magazines and from my friends. At lunch time, we used to read out quizzes in the likes of Cosmopolitan and share answers or swap stories, and my fellow students mostly seemed like an open minded bunch. Imagine my surprise when the unanimous answer to the “how often do you masturbate?” question was a resounding “never!” Never? Ooh no they said, shaking their heads, nice girls don’t do things like that. What rubbish! I’m guessing they also believed that too much wanking damages your eyesight, or gives you hairy palms. It would not surprise me in the least to discover that these same women are now the ones who are disappointed to discover that their partner masturbates.

Come on ladies, it’s not that you’re ‘not enough’ for them; it’s just that sometimes people are in the mood when there’s no one else around. Perhaps they really like touching their own body. Sometimes they might want a quick release, or maybe it’s become part of a daily routine. Also, some people have very high sex drives and that background hum of horniness needs a release on a regular basis just to keep their minds focussed on everyday life. After all, if you’re constantly thinking about that one thing all day long, how would you ever get any work done? Perhaps it’s easier for people who have an urge to masturbate regularly to come to terms with the fact that it’s not seedy or wrong. If you rarely get hot and bothered when you’re alone, suddenly finding yourself with your hand down your pants can perhaps feel a bit… dirty. Well, let me clear that one up right now, it’s not. Unless you forget to wash your hands afterwards which may be considered a little unclean, depending on your next task!

There may now be an app to teach women there’s no shame in masturbation, but I suspect it might take more than a pink patronising ‘how to’ guide on your phone to wake some women up to the wonders of wanking. The moments following a solo orgasm can seem strange and embarrassing when you’re used to having someone else around, but focus on the fun you’ve just had and it’ll soon seem worth it. Next time you’re home alone, take some time to think of something that excites you and then take a tip from The Divinyls. Find a mirror to see what you’re doing, read some erotica, watch some porn or invest in a fun new toy. Seriously, no one’s going to think any worse of you for enjoying your own body.

A version of this article was first published on BitchBuzz in 2010. Image via Graham Campbell‘s Flickr photostream.