The A-to-Z of Sex Toys: Quiet

With the help of the lovely ladies at Lovehoney, I have begun to discover that there is a sex toy for every bit of fun you can think of, and a whole load more that you can’t. Each week I shall look at a different category of sex toys but, like my last A-to-Z, they won’t always be quite what you think. As you might imagine, all links are NSFW!

T’was (almost) the night before Christmas and, all through the house, not a creature was stirring… so using a noisy sex toy is now totally out of the question. It might not be the first thing you think of when shopping for sex toys, but being quiet should be something that features on your checklist. After all, even if you live alone, do you know how thin the walls are before you have guests staying? When I asked my Twitter followers for recommendations of quiet sex toys, most of the responses fitted nicely into two distinct categories: toys which do not vibrate and therefore make no noise at all, and relatively silent vibrators. I’ve covered quite a few of the non-vibrating types already in this A-Z (glass toys, metal toys and dildos), but other suggestions included butt plugs and even books. I never thought of them as toys before, but I guess it’s all a means to an end!

As for quiet vibrators, from personal experience I can confirm that the little LELO Mia makes minimal noise. I also have it on good authority that the LELO Smart Wands are very quiet indeed, especially considering how powerful they are! Lovehoney have a great guide to near silent vibrators on their site, and an entire section devoted to them. They even have toys named whisper and silencer, but I’m not sure if the latter is so named because it renders the user silent rather than being quiet itself. It can be easy to forget that, even if you are using a toy which makes no noise, there is still the problem of your own (potentially non-existant) silence! Gags rarely offer a sufficient amount of noise muffling for truly peaceful play, so a ball gag is usually the best option. Well, unless you have someone telling you just how much trouble you’ll be in if you make a noise.