We’ve all been caught up in the whirlwind of emotion when we start dating a new partner. They are endlessly fascinating and endearing. Every spare moment is dedicated to thinking about the texture of their skin, the way they look when they’re concentrating, or what their reaction would be to the article you just read. It’s obvious that your friends will experience it too – they’ll gush and beam, and you’ll hear all about the beloved’s wonderful qualities. That is… if they’re not too busy marvelling at them to see you.
You probably have someone like this in your social group – someone who’s so bowled over by the shiny new object of their affection that they vanish for a while. It’s understandable, but what happens when it goes on too long?
When you’re single or in established routines, it’s easy to make time to see friends and spread a support network across plenty of people. You know roughly what’s going on in advance and can arrange to meet for dinner, drinks, or quiet nights in. After the initial period of immersion in their new relationship, you’d hope that a friend you previously saw often would want to resume a similar level of intimacy. They’re still the same person, after all, and nothing else has changed!
As we grow, a lot of us find that romantic attachments wax and wane, but firm friendships have lasted the test of time. When you go from evenings ΰ deux poring over the minutiae of your lives to finding that you’re far lower on their list of priorities than you thought, it hurts. Maybe you are even at risk of doing this to your own friends. Here are some ways to check yourself:
- What’s the nature of an event? A night in the pub might seem like a fairly open invitation, but perhaps it was meant to be a catch up one on one. Check before you respond with “We’re free that night!”
- Do you have separate interests from your partner? It might seem like the perfect match to meet someone who’s also into dancing classes, sushi restaurants AND book fairs, but try not to abandon your original buddy, invite them along. Don’t stop pursuing your own interests, either.
- Remember what you get from each individual. Do you have a colleague who understands your work pressures like no one else? Does someone make you laugh uncontrollably, always offer a non judgemental ear or make you feel comfortable letting your hair down? Even though the desire to let a love interest be your default need-fulfiller is strong and natural, it’s healthy to rely on more than one person. The chances are, your friends have plenty that they love and admire about you, and they’ll be grateful to have more of you in their lives.
This post was written by a RWL Guest Blogger – Clarabelle describes herself as a “daft teenager trapped in a 30-something’s body”. She sells vintage clothing, adores charity shops and doesn’t shave her ‘pits.
Image via Wikimedia Commons.