On monogamy…

There are many things we are brought up to believe in by society and our well-meaning parents. When we are young, a life path spreads out before us – school, university, career, marriage, children – and there are constant pointers towards how to achieve what is expected of us. As we enter our teenage years, we often start to question whether or not all of these things are right for us. But there is one thing that’s always taken as a given. No matter how much we choose to do things our own way, many people just don’t question monogamy.

In a world where celebrity infidelity is constantly making the front page of newspapers and magazines, why do so many people continue to blindly follow the path of monogamy simply because they feel they should? They wouldn’t wear clothes that don’t fit them, or drive a car that they think makes them look stupid, but serial cheaters are more than happy to stick with a relationship style which doesn’t match their needs. It’s what you do, isn’t it? Try to forsake all others. I’m not saying that monogamy is bad though. It’s pretty much perfect for lots of wonderful people who would never think of lying or cheating. The thing is though, one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to relationships. The key is to think about what you need and want from your partner… to talk about it with them. Are you both on the same page?

Good relationships are based on communication and trust. Monogamous or not, the important thing is that you actively choose what works for you. Relationships shouldn’t operate on default values. They’re far too important for that.

2 thoughts on “On monogamy…

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  1. Excellent read. Whilst I am in a committed monogamous marriage I completely agree that monogamy is not for everyone and shouldn't be blindly followed to the detriment on your own, or your partners happiness.

    However, your last line – relationships shouldn't operate on default values – hits it for me at every level. This applies to all aspects of relationships, not just questions on monogamy. All too often we can let your relationships go forth with our foot off the gas, without taking the time to evaluate, explore and discuss. Thanks for the reminder!

  2. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say good relationships are built on communication and trust. Me and my partner have been together for close to 20 years and made a promise to each other many years ago that we would always be honest with each other, talk and NEVER indulge in game playing. Being honest and true to those you love is surely being true to yourself… Work hard at relationships, never take them for granted and do not be afraid to grow and go with those you love as THEY grow……
    I would also add that cheating is lying…..explore together – it is much more fun!

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