It’s been a few years since my primary partner and I decided to dip our toes into the waters of polyamory. We’ve pretty much been non-monogamous from the start, and ethical about it too, but the decision to open ourselves up to additional loving relationships was a tough one even though it was the logical next step. Many difficult emotions are stirred up by polyamory and we knew it was going to be tricky, but an awful lot of fun times have been had. The good times always outweigh the bad, or we just wouldn’t continue along this path.
Slightly odd situations can crop up though, even when things are going swimmingly. Take right now, for example. He has one other partner yet I have only him. I am technically still poly, but I have only one partner. I guess, in a strange way, it’s a bit like being bi and being in a single relationship. Just because I’m in a relationship with a man, does not mean that I am monogamous and straight. Bisexuality is about being attracted to people of your own and other genders, and so I also shouldn’t forget that polyamory is about the desire to have more than one open loving relationship. I’m fine just the way I am… even if poly does technically mean many.
My feeling is that it's more about potential than situation – I'm poly but also single and can't see this changing in the short-term. While I am single, a new relationship would be built on this same basis of honesty and trust.
People assuming that you can't be poly unless you have a load of active relationships reminds me of the instances where GLB people are told they can't be GL or B if they've never slept with a *insert type of person here*.
“More about potential than situation” – that sums it up perfectly! 🙂
Since making similar decisions, I still have one partner. At first I was actively looking for 'someone else' but realised that it was, as Beth suggests, more about potential.
Feels quite freeing to have NO pressure on a relationship. If I meet someone, then I can date them.
One thing that always bugs me about this, sexuality and other such 'labels', is how some people are so determined that you meet THEIR definition.
Live and let live!
“polyamory is about the desire to have more than one open loving relationship.”
I hesitate to describe polyamory in terms of desire. Certainly, that's part of it, but I think the main difference between poly & mono is the *willingness* or *openness* to having more than one open loving relationship.
This is a really good post and one I agree with. All you need to be polyamorous is being able to love more than one person. Whether you've met more than one person worth loving is irrelevant.
@Wes – You're right. Willingness is a perfect word! Thanks for that.