No, we don’t have to pick a side!

A while ago, I found a fascinating Twitter user called Bi Visibility who says that, “Twitter is full of both misunderstanding and celebration of bisexuality. I share both”. Up until this point, I had never really revealed or discussed my orientation with anyone other than those who would understand, or at least not judge me, so I was astonished to discover just what sorts of things go through some people’s heads when confronted with the mere notion that someone is attracted to men and women. Most of these people seem to think that it’s a passing trend, request that we pick a side, suggest that we are greedy or, in the case of bisexual men, claim that there is actually no such thing. On the off-chance that anyone finds this post whilst searching for further information about just how bad it is to be bi, may I suggest that you read The Bisexual Index’s FAQ page before you make up your mind? It won’t take long and you might just learn something new.

Leaving aside the sort of relationships I choose to have, being bisexual does not mean that a person will always be unfaithful and just want everyone all the time. That’s a silly idea. It is possible to like more than one person/thing at a time you know. If you’re an omnivore, how would you react to someone suggesting that you can’t eat meat and vegetables because you have to pick a side? If you’re a parent, would you like it if someone told you that you can’t love all of your children because that’s greedy and you need to choose one? Yes, that’s dumb. Yes, that’s childish… but so are these people! Like the lovely illbefrancoise says, “THEY are the ones that need to decide… on getting a life instead of commenting on other people’s.” Indeed.

4 Discussion to this post

  1. Cat Feathers says:

    Thank you!

    I have encountered people that think because I have a partner then I must, indeed, have picked a side. And, further, that because he is male then I can't really be bisexual (presumably bisexual women who currently have only female partners must have picked the other side?).

    No. I fell in love with an awesome person. Gender remains pretty irrelevant to whether or not I find someone attractive – why would that change? He hasn't stopped finding other women attractive since we got together, after all (I'm pretty sure I ain't *that* hot ;)). I'm utterly baffled as to why anyone would think it would be any harder for me to not cheat on him than it is for him to not cheat on me.

    Pfft. Yep, they need a life!

  2. Well said!! I think when people make those comments it just clarifies their lack of understanding about what bisexuality means. I'm not bisexual, but I do believe it doesn't matter who you fancy, or who you are in love with. Love and attraction can cross both genders. People are not robots, and they can feel things for other people…. any other people!

    As for the infidelity thing… what is with this assumption that bisexual people are incapable of not cheating? That doesn't make any sense to me. Is that because there are suddenly “twice as many fish in the sea”? Sounds like ignorance yet again.

    Great post. x

  3. Pixie says:

    I totally agree with what people have said about falling in love with the person gender removed.

    I always thought a marvelous example of that was broke back mountain. Perhaps controversial in it's topic but in essence it was two people falling in love and the repercussions.

    No one should be put in a box, period.

  4. Verna says:

    Great post. I commend you for speaking out – not a lot of people do that. It shows you are comfortable in your skin.

    From one bisexual woman to another: thank you for educating the world!

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