A while ago, at a friend’s dinner party, a chap called Duncan Rowe uttered the memorable words “I firmly believe that, if your job title ends in ‘agent’ but doesn’t start with ‘secret’, you’re a cunt”. We laughed, I added to my Facebook quotes page the day after, and many more friends have agreed with this sentiment since. However, I was stunned when I opened the Evening Standard yesterday and found an unexpected example to further prove Mr Rowe was correct. The short piece in question was about how the flat white is ‘taking over’ as, since two major coffee chains have added it to their menus, sales have soared. The Standard asked three people what they thought of Costa’s flat white, including a 22-year-old estate agent named James Flynn. He said:
“It’s quite nice. But the mocha is my favourite because it is sweet and chocolatey. The heart on the top probably makes the flat white popular and the name sounds trendy.”
For a start, never ask someone whose favourite coffee is mocha what they think of proper coffee. It’s sweet and chocolatey, eh? Well, so is hot chocolate… more so, in fact. Also, take note James, most people would not buy coffee because it has a heart shape in the milk (although talented baristas can create more intricate patterns, so this could be an indicator of really good coffee outside of the chains), or because of the name sounding ‘trendy’. Most people actually buy coffee for the taste. And we prefer to buy our homes from people who aren’t cunts but, unlike with our coffee, we don’t actually have much of a choice on that one.